Tails from the Bramleys

Hello Everyone.

No, we’re not asleep,

It’s a common misconception that cats sleep all the time. We’re thinking.

In fact, we’ve been doing a great deal of thinking about life and what it’s for.  Yes, we know what you’re thinking, but we like philosophy (Simba listens a lot to radio 4) .  Anyway, we have decided one of the things we exist for (apart from being excellent pest control operatives) is…………….

That clock’s too heavy to knock off, but with the White Delight in front of it, you can’t see it anyway.

We’re suspicious of this. We don’t know what it is, but Leo has taken a shine to it, so it has been spared the push……….

Anyway, we rest our case. 

What better ornaments can you have?

If you’re thinking about buying an ornament for Christmas, get a cat instead!

Love Leo and Simba xxx

Good morning (or what ever time of day it is where you are).  Leo (the Magnificent) here .

As the weather has been gloomy, I thought I would give you a laugh. Just have a look at the following…..

He’s using his back legs like a pair of hair straighteners to pin it down and stop it from curling any further.

He’s having a laugh at my expense isn’t he! 

I really don’t like it when he does that. It’s not fair. I know he licks me afterwards to say sorry, but I’m not sure I like that either. I don’t always know where he’s been…. with that Maud possibly. And you don’t know where she has been either. You have to be so careful with that virus thing. (You will be careful, won’t you.) Anyway, we’re in tier two so there should be no household mixing and Maud is NOT in our household. 

Mice alive. My Maud does not have the virus and in tier two you are allowed to mix households outside.  I thought he was always listening to Radio 4. He should know that.

I’m confused by all these tiers. Why are we in tier two? I haven’t even seen a virus. Perhaps I should contact the Today programme and tell them.

Anyway, coming back to Leo. He thinks I’m ridiculous trying to straighten my tail after mistakenly eating an egg. How about this…..

Inflammatory. Totally inflammatory!

Where did he get that picture from?

Love Leo

(and Simba (ha ha), I’m still laughing!)

Hello Everyone. Simba here. 

I really hope you are all coping at this difficult time – getting your supply of kibbles and ensuring you get the attention you deserve.

That needs clarification. Scratching the sofa and the carpet are two separate sins and biting is not a sin per se, only if it is unnecessary. When I bite, I assure you it is always necessary. That leaves three. One of those is killing baby rabbits (something the White Delight is prone to do) but even I am struggling with the other two.

Here we go again! He always reminds me about the suicide of that rabbit.  Anyway, what other sins could there possibly be?  I’ll let you into a secret. Leo eats plastic.  I bet that’s a sin. He interrupts zoom meetings by screeching loudly, and he bounces frogs along the lawn by tapping them to make them squeak.  That must be a sin. And, worse still, he says he’s self-cleaning. But he isn’t you know.  I’ve seen burrs on his fur.

Stop! Inflammatory! I have never screeched in my life. I’m perfectly clean. So clean a burr wouldn’t dare stick to me, it would just slide off. The White Delight who cleans all the time is just plain vain and as we all know, vanity really is a sin!

We’ve just been told this is a sin.  Why?

Look at it. Just look at it!  It’s windy and wet. You can see all the puddles. We can’t go out. The water’s paw deep….. and the leaves haven’t been swept up. What is going on?

He’s right. What’s going on?  I hear they have been locked down again.  What have they done this time? Last time they went to France where they have all those viruses and dogs and that so-called edible dormouse in a wall. (Why is it a dormouse when it is in a wall. Shouldn’t it be a wall mouse?) Anyway, as far as we can tell, they haven’t been away other than to the flat where we were taken, too.

They must have done something awful to be confined to the house. We’ve been working through the list of sins that could have been committed …… vomiting on the carpet, scratching the sofa and the worst of all, killing a baby rabbit….. you’ll notice these have all been committed by the White Delight

Oh my paw! He’s stolen my word, inflammatory. I like that word. I have never seen the White Delight so cross before. Anyway, as I was saying. They don’t tend to vomit on the carpet or scratch the sofa. Perhaps they killed a baby rabbit?

No, I don’t think so. There’s a lot of shrieking even if they see a dead mouse. Anyway, all the baby rabbits have grown up now…..  Personally I think it has to do with that virus thing. What could they have done? Collaborated with it?  Learned to live with it?

….And by the way that rabbit committed suicide. I did not kill it. Overcrowded burrow, you know.

Rabbits committing suicide…. What is he thinking?  He may have a point about the virus, though. Now I think about it, it was in the paper.

And it was on Radio 4 . I listen to that a lot, you know, and it’s always being talked about.

I think we should all take it easy, relax and conserve energy.  I don’t want that virus thing anywhere near me and I’m sure you don’t either. Even Leo doesn’t.

Love Leo and Simba  xxx

Hello Everyone

Simba here and I’m very cheerful today. Oh, we’ve had fun. Yes, quite a lot of fun, actually. Well you have to, don’t you, with this virus thing about?

Yes, indeed you do, especially when you have something like the White Delight flitting about manically trying to avoid anything that looks like a virus.

Flit about? Me?  I’m very serene. Anyway, talking about flitting about, there was a lot of activity in our house just before the weekend and we thought for a moment that we were going to be taken to the vet. It’s either that (which we hate – all that tail- lifting stuff for temperature-taking- what are they thinking?) or the flat which we do like (special kibbles).  

I deduced we were going to the flat, but we were bored and decided to play a game or two, anyway, just to keep them on their toes, paws, or whatever they have… 

I stuck my paws out – splayed them, you know – so I couldn’t be put into my transportation unit. It took several attempts before I relented.

How does he get himself into that most peculiar shape?

Anyway…while the White Delight was performing contortions, I played hide and seek. I cleverly avoided all my usual hiding spots and it took them ages to find me, whereupon I took to my transportation unit with great dignity (once they had moved the bed – it took three of them to do that)…….

And, here we are on our arrival. Totally innocent of any mischief, as you can see.

Love

Simba and Leo x

Let’s start this properly. The good news is that pesky edible dormouse has gone (from our blog, that is. Not from the wall). The bad news is Leo’s mouse has a hole in it because he bit it too hard.

NO. It’s a quality issue. I love those Culpepper mice. They are great for training. I find them quite invigorating….but they hole too easily.

Mmm. I don’t play with them myself… they’re filled with drugs, you know, a drug called catnip. That’s why Leo finds them invigorating. If you are reading this and are thinking of playing with one yourself, just be a bit careful. All that sort of thing worries me. Quite a lot actually.

Oh my paw!  The White Delight worries about everything, doesn’t he? Quite recently he was worried in case someone mistook him for a dog (a DOG!) and abducted him.  Now he’s worried about being drugged by catnip. And…. he’s terrified about that virus.  He even keeps his distance from his favourite postperson for fear of being contaminated.

Rubbish. I am just socially distancing. You’re meant to be doing that now.  I heard it on Radio 4 so it must be true.   But I am worried that Leo may become a drug addict.

Inflammatory. Quite inflammatory.  Liking catnip mice does not make you a drug addict!

If he doesn’t stop annoying me, I’ll give him a cat nip.

Oops.  Leo likes that word “inflammatory”. Doesn’t he? Let’s quieten things down. I hope someone buys him a Culpepper mouse for Christmas. He can hole that instead of me!

Love Simba xxxxx

P.S Remember to socially distance. I’m socially distancing from Leo at the moment.

Mice Alive!

Oh my paw!

What in in creation’s name is THAT?

I don’t like it. I just don’t. Look at it. It’s hacked into our blog…. And what is it saying?  I understand “Leo and Simba”,of course. But.. what the devil is “Bonjour”? It is a swear word? I wouldn’t like to be sworn at actually. And…. look at it. It’s got long claws.

My dear Simba, just look at your paws. I think you’ll find you’ve got long claws, too. I’m surprised you didn’t know that already.

Don’t be horrid.  I’m ruffled enough as it is.  We’ll just have to work together to get rid of it.  Just as we did that nasty, noxious, noisy bird.

I’ve looked up “Bonjour”.  It’s saying “Hello” to us in French. Does that give you any clues as to what it is?

OH No!  We already know France is full of dogs (and it’s clearly not that) and ….Coronaviruses. That’s why they had to quarantine when they came back from France.

Agh. It’s a virus.  Has to be.  I really don’t like that. Our blog has been attacked by a virus! And… it’s saying “Hello” to us. Help.

Don’t panic. Doesn’t it remind you of something else?  A mouse perhaps? There’s that problem with the edible dormouse in France.

No you don’t.  But I don’t think that thing is a cat. I’m taking refuge in my igloo until we work out what to do. If it is the edible dormouse it’s in a wall and it is in France… so perhaps all we need to do is to shift it from our blog!

Hello all. We can’t stop laughing today…… nothing to do with squinty eyes this time.. it’s even funnier.  They’ve got a dormouse in the wall and they DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT.

What planet are they living on?

Well of course they are. Whoever heard of a mouse that wasn’t edible?  I know some of them are a bit tough and stringy (usually the ones Leo catches because they are old and slow) but even he manages with that sharp incisor of his

.

Whatever!  Anyway, what are we going to do about this “edible dormouse”?

Actually, I understand it isn’t in a wall in our house.

Of course it isn’t.  Do you think it would stay if it saw me staring at it through the ventilation grill?

It’s in France. They went to France and had to quarantine on their return.

And it is in a wall.

Mmm. I don’t like France. Full of dogs and viruses that cause kibble-rationing so I understand. And the inside of a wall must be dirty.  I wouldn’t like that at all. I’m white, you know. Every bit of dust shows up.

Yup. That would be why he’s called the White Delight. 

Anyway, he has a point.  I don’t think I like France, either and who wants to go into a stuffy wall when you can catch the things on the lawn?

As you can see. We’ve stopped laughing. In fact we’re cross.

We’ve heard talk of calling in “pest control”. Who are they? What do they think WE do?  And we’ve heard these edible dormice are “protected”. That means you can’t actually eat them.  Edible dormice you can’t eat!

Hello Everyone, Simba here

Today, Leo and I are laughing. Yes, we do laugh, you know.  Leo has a great sense of humour, in fact, biting toes and that sort of thing ….

Anyway, you’re probably wondering why we’re laughing. Well, we heard on the Today programme (I like Radio 4, actually) that to build a relationship with a cat you have to narrow your eyes and blink slowly. So, we have spent the morning looking to see if that’s what they’re doing. We’ve even studied Aunty Alison.

Oh they are funny aren’t they?  Well we have had quite a fun morning making faces at them, but those prawns, steaks and additional kibbles haven’t appeared yet and I’m not sure how long I can keep it up.

There’s only so long you can spend narrowing your eyes. You get frown lines.  Anyway, the research is wrong. I narrow my eyes when I have a mouse in my sights!

Do you know, I think it hasn’t worked because Leo has been put on a diet because he is getting fat.

I only have his interests at heart.

Hmmm. I won’t spoil the day by telling the White Delight just what I think of that!  I shall recline on the sofa in my newly created hammock.

Oops, it’s not a hammock. It’s just where the cushions have collapsed under his weight.

Anyway, I must go now and make myself scarce before he sees this.

Lots of love

(and take care – that virus thing seems to be re-emerging, doesn’t it)

SIMBA xxx

Hello Everyone. Simba here.

There’s a huge problem and I just hope you can help.  It’s a non- virus problem actually. We have a major issue with quirrels ….. and it’s not just us.  I have had a communication.

Mice alive! What is he on about? What the devil is a “quirrel”?  And where has the communication come from: Chief Quirrel? Boris Johnson?  Mars? ………

He’s being nasty to me again.  This is a quirrel (Cynthia, I think)  and I was sent this photo by my friends Bertie and Samie.

I quote:

Greetings from Samie (and Bertie), I have a great problem that you might be able to solve as I know you are much more intelligent than Bertie.  (That is a lie I have a super brain, I just don’t want to wear it out).

Anyway horror of horrors, we have been invaded!  Cyril and Cynthia squirrel are taking over OUR garden, burying nuts, digging holes in the lawn and threatening us.  They sit in the trees growling and swearing. Sometimes they throw things at us.  What can we do?

Please help. I am scared and only go out if my human servant is with me. (I of course am not afraid, I’m Big Bertie and therefore a very scary cat, myself, but Samie….

Well, it’s nice to hear from Bertie and Samie (glad it wasn’t Boris Johnson).  So, it’s “squirrels” we’re talking about.   

Easy.  Don’t despair, chaps.  This will sort out Cyril and Cynthia and their bad language. Snarl. Show your teeth. Put your ears back. Fluff up your fur. Arch your back…..and if necessary inflict a bite. You know, the sort of thing you would do with the postman.

Solved.

Love

Leo XXXX