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Graeme came to look after us. Quite nice actually.

Yes. It was a pleasant surprise. We were prepared to use our usual tactics, but he was very responsive to our needs, especially for food. And it was nicely cut up and presented. Just as we like it. Others could learn from him.

And now, look what’s happened!  We are told we are fussy and there are lots of hungry cats in the world.

Obviously we don’t like the idea of that, but what are we supposed to do? Catch mice and send them through the post?

It could be sorted if Waitrose would just deliver mice with the shopping.

I keep telling the White Delight that’s just not going to happen. Even Pets at Home don’t deliver mice.

Well, I think it could be an answer to that cost of living problem they all talk about. No packaging, just a live mouse, or preferably two.

Giddy paws again! Stop talking about mice. You’re making my whiskers twitch and my mouth water.

On a more positive note, they have finally seen the light. Not mouse, of course, but Leo’s favourite – Scrumble.  We don’t know what a Scrumble is. We’ve had a look in the garden and can’t find one, but whatever it is, it tastes good.

Love

Leo and Simba xxx

Hello everyone. Simba here.

Well, I am here, but, as you can see, I don’t want to face the world at the moment. No. I don’t. I’m hoping no one can see me, actually. Especially Leo.

Leo is in a bad mood. Someone has stolen his word.

Inflammatory. Totally inflammatory!

Yes. That’s the one. Well, not the “totally” bit.

It’s something to do with the Home Office.  We have a Home Office where they sit in front of those computer things, but nobody has said it’s inflammatory.

Mice Alive!  He’s talking about politics. We don’t do that, do we!

I don’t know what politics is, actually. I don’t suppose Leo does either, but he won’t admit it. There’s been a lot of it about, recently, hasn’t there. A bit like that virus.

What I do know is that when they are in that Home Office they do use the word “dog”. That’s a rude word. Isn’t it? Dogs are inflammatory.

That’s a matter for debate. They sponsor a guide dog so that’s why they use the word.

Why not!  I’m interested now. I could be a guide cat.  That would be great fun for me. Quite rewarding, I think.

My day is getting worse. The thought of the White Delight pretending to be a guide cat is alarming. Even for me. Oh, White Delight, if you saw a mouse while you were guiding one of them, you’d run after it. Wouldn’t you.  If you saw a source of food of any kind, you would stop to eat it. (I saw you eating bird food the other day.) I suppose that’s what you mean by rewarding. And….. if one of them wanted to touch you, they wouldn’t know which end to approach first.

Oh No. I wouldn’t want to be touched at the wrong end.

Love Leo and Simba xxxxxxx

The White Delight has his own. So this one is mine.

Look. Here he is in his brown one, looking as if he is going to grumble.

No. I’m cross about that. I was not about to grumble. I don’t grumble. I’m sweet natured, unlike you -know- who!  He bites.

Stuff and nonsense. Verging on inflammatory.  

Well, he does bite, doesn’t he? Why does he think vets wear gauntlets when they see him? Anyway, as you can see Leo was in the brown igloo himself.

I’m only fierce to vets so they know what will happen if they dare to tamper with me in a way that is not to my liking.

And… I only sat in this igloo to show I could. It’s too small for me.

Well it’s too small for me then. I’m a bigger cat.

He’s certainly a bigger numpty. He’s only bigger because he is fluffy (and leaves all that white fur everywhere).

I’m not enjoying this. What’s a numpty?  I’m a White Delight, actually, and an anxious one at that. I hope this isn’t going to turn into a war.  There’s one going on, you know. It’s that awful Putin person doing dreadful things.  And that virus thing hasn’t gone, has it. I hope Leo isn’t going to turn into a Putin.   

Mice Alive! Does he think I’m Russian? Siamese, more like.

We’ve been sent out for squabbling.

Love Leo and Simba x

Hello Everyone.  Simba here. I’m really upset.  I didn’t know “geriatric” was a swear word. I really didn’t. I have heard some swear words. Some of the cats in our last garden used to swear a lot. Spitting and all that. That awful Maud used to spit at me. That’s definitely swearing. I thought “geriatric” just meant old. But when I told Leo he was geriatric (he’s over 15 you know) he was furious. He told me it was a very rude word and he is highly offended and won’t speak to me.

What can I do? I don’t like the silence.  It’s unnatural. He’s usually so noisy. He bellows, you know.

No need to repeat yourself, White Delight.  You’re making matters worse. Don’t dig holes for yourself.

I didn’t dig a hole. I only dig holes for one purpose. Like most of us.  In the garden, you know……

Mice alive!  Don’t go any further, no one wants to know about your hole digging habits. I was speaking metaphorically.

What’s “metaphorically?”  That sounds more like a swear word than “geriatric”.

Do not EVER, ever use that word.

Repetition. He’s repeating himself now. He used the word “ever” twice.

Does that White Delight think we are playing Just a Minute? If he apologises, allows me to eat his food and sit above him on the couch without him giving me a cross look, I will speak to him.

Do you think she had any cats?  She did have those dog-things, didn’t she? Why?

Corgis?  Well, I suppose they look a bit like cats. Maybe it was mistaken identity.

Could be.  Perhaps she had faulty advice. We would have told her they weren’t cats. Do you know she had tea with a bear!  A bear! That isn’t a type of cat.  Probably dangerous, don’t you think? She certainly didn’t have good advice there. It got tea all over the place. Tea! We wouldn’t touch tea.

I don’t think it was a real bear. Probably a toy, like a catnip mouse. Anyway, we should move on as a great deal has been happening, not all of it pleasing to me.   

One thing Leo wasn’t pleased about was the large spider that ran from under his chair. Ha!  It made him sit up in fright, ready to run!

Mice alive!  Complete and utter balderdash. I got up so I could jump down and catch it.  Stop it getting to the White Delight. He’s very sensitive.

Balderdash? That’s a new one. What’s that? I thought he would say it was inflammatory.

Anyway, as I was saying. It’s not true that I am sensitive. I have eaten spiders.

Well, not exactly horrible, but they didn’t taste very nice.

I wasn’t commenting on the taste.

Oh. Anyway, I prefer Royal Canine Sensitive cat food. The packet is full of the most delicious kibbles and they are made from chicken and not spiders.

Really? I do hope so. Anyway, why does the White Delight eat sensitive cat food if he’s not sensitive? I am going to sit in my box.

Just in case there’s a spider on the prowl!

Hello Everyone, I know we’ve been a bit quiet recently. We’ve been settling in to our new home.  

We have a water fountain, you know.

Yes, we had one before. And your point is?

Well,. I was going to say we got it because Leo had a struvite crystal but now we have waterworks problems of another kind. Our fountain is not being refilled fast enough!

My struvite crystal and whether or not I have one is a matter for me and my vet and NO ONE else. Especially not a WHITE DELIGHT who gossips.

I don’t gossip. Who would I gossip to?

You gossip all the time. To everyone who comes to the house, to passers-by, delivery people. The gossip is quite deafening.

That’s not gossiping… I miss Aunties Amanda and Alison. I’m just being friendly. I have a no-bite policy. Everyone appreciates that. Anyway, coming back to the water fountain, it’s important to be aware of dehydration

That is true.  I was extremely concerned about that cat, Belle, who managed to get stuck up a tree for four days. What did she drink?  What did she eat?  Poor thing. She must have been terrified of something!

Well, something must have terrified her.  The fireman had to cut a branch off the tree to get her down you know.

Hello everyone.  Things are getting interesting here. There’s never a dull day, we can tell you.

Firstly, they went to that France place again.

It washed off!

Well, yes. It did eventually, but you know what Leo’s like. He doesn’t always clean as frequently as he should.

Inflammatory. Totally inflammatory! The White Delight is getting far too opinionated. He’s too vain.  He was referred to as “she” the other day by a delivery driver.  He wasn’t very pleased by that, I can tell you.

No. I wasn’t really, but what can you do? Anyway, Leo is getting fractious so I’m going to retire to my igloo for a bit.

Oh tails, claws and mice alive!  We’ve been moved.  Yes. Everything. Our furry selves, food dishes, Leo’s catnip mice, the White Delight’s igloo……everything we have in the world. We’re in our new flat. We don’t think we’re going back, and we weren’t even consulted.

That, at least was one blessing.

Simba decided on terror tactics, pretending to go near the edge of the very high roof.  It had them in a spin, they couldn’t look. We knew it would worry them.  We don’t know why, though. What DO they think is going to happen?  

Leo kept giving them what he calls his “evil eye”………..

Then he sat on their Scrabble board so they couldn’t play (why they do it anyway is beyond our comprehension )

… and took up as much space on the bed as possible….

Simba sat on the laundry basket so they couldn’t put anything in it (they are not self-cleaning, like us, you know) before taking over the piano stool so they couldn’t make that awful noise.

And the beds are very comfortable

Hello everyone. I hope you’re all well. Be careful of that virus thing – it’s still around, you know.

Do you remember in my last blog I told you Leo was bored owing to the bad weather and would probably be hatching plans?  Well, he has.

I don’t hatch anything, that’s for those bird things. I simply do. I am producing a treatise on “The Feline Self”.

Treats!  Leo is making treats? I’m confused. What has the feline self got to do with it?  We both know all about that, obviously.

Oh my giddy paw! Treatise not treats!  Why does the White Delight always think about food?

We may know about the feline self but do they?  Clearly not, because our requests are only met about 50% of the time.

That’s true. Sadly, Waitrose hasn’t delivered any mice yet.

That was always suspect…. Coming back to my treatise, there are chapters on:

Voice commands: what they mean and how to respond (immediately, of course, but with what tone of voice?)

The inner workings of the feline brain and how to avoid annoying its precious being (never, never even think about removing a cat from a chair, for example)

Tail gestures: responding to different types of flicks…..

What do you mean? Stop!

I’m in the middle of telling the White Delight about my treatise and he’s interrupting me!

Your treatise won’t be necessary.  Waitrose has listened to us.  There’s a mouse in this cupboard!

Waitrose got something wrong. We didn’t order a young, fast mouse. We wanted a fatter, slower one. It must have been a substitute. We missed it and it’s probably out in the garden, now.

Hello everyone. The weather’s bad again isn’t it.  It was good for a couple of days and all those nasty, noxious and noisy bird things started flitting about collecting bits of twig. I tried to have a snooze in the garden but it was impossible.

Someone has the grumps today. He’d be furious if he knew those “bird things”, as he calls them, were using bits of his fur to line their nests. He’s moulting and the fur he’s cast off was put out for the birds during the cleaning of our house.  Apparently, it keeps them warm at night.

I think I misheard. It sounded like something from a horror film.

Mmm. He’s right about the weather, though. It’s too damp and cold to be out and I’m getting bored.  It’s making my paws twitch.

I don’t like the sound of that. The last time he was bored, he bit my tail. He sits there and plans naughty things.

Mice alive!  I only nipped him to make sure he was exercising. Anyway, he does naughty things, notably the murder of a baby rabbit, the biting of a toe,……..

STOP!  You know very well the rabbit committed suicide as a result of an overcrowded warren and I bit the toe quite inadvertently.

Bit a toe inadvertently? Oh White Delight, when you do something, you must do it properly and with intent. When I bite, I sometimes send them to hospital.