Month: April 2020

Hello Everyone.  BOTH of us here (Simba and Leo) ………..  We’re VERY, VERY cross.   Words fail us. As you can see a BIRD has hacked into our diary.

A BIRD!  It probably pecked in, looking at the size of that beak.  I suppose it is a bird? Actually, we haven’t seen one like that in our garden, thank goodness. It looks dangerous!  Neither of us fancies tackling it.  Even Leo with his large incisor. But… how did it happen, we’re asking ourselves.

I think it’s something to do with this lockdown thing. Lockdown is a sort of punishment isn’t it?  We get locked down when we’ve done something others don’t like and as it happens that includes bird watching.  Birds really are very annoying, noxious, noisy things, aren’t they?   They wake me up at 5 am. And the dangerous-looking one in that picture must have eaten an egg because its tail is curling.  So, to add to everything else – it’s a CANNIBAL!!  (We would never eat a kitten.)

It’s nothing to do with lockdown!  (And I wish he wouldn’t keep going on about eggs!) As you can see I have been reading New Scientist and I can tell you definitively: that is not a bird. That is a coronavirus!  We need to steer clear of it.

(Simba says I have been shoe-sniffing but of course that’s rubbish. I did try it on for size, though, but it was too big!)

We’re working on it together!  In the meantime, we’re having a nap as it has been a taxing day. We’ll be back again soon when we’ve ousted that bird.

Love , Leo and Simba xxx

Hello World! It’s Leo here. At my very best, my very sweetest, as always.

In one of his missives, the White Delight referred to my campaign to ensure readers of this diary were fully aware of my true, and very delightful, nature. In the unlikely event you ever thought I might be grumpy or cynical (I heard there was a grumpy cat somewhere) I thought I would show you a few pictures showing what I have to put up with.

Look carefully at this.

There’s a mouse on my head. A MOUSE! Whoever thought that was a good idea?

They are fixated with putting things on my head. Maybe to protect my possibly fragile brain?

This one is even worse. A red hat. Not my colour!

And.. in case you’re thinking it…. in none of these cases did I inflict an infected bite. I didn’t even bite. Come to that I didn’t even call the RSPCA!

And, if you think the White delight is perfect. Just look at this!

DISGRACEFUL! Not at all graceful in fact. Definite lack of decorum there.

Love

Leo, the GORGEOUS!

x

Day 8

    Hello Everyone.  Simba here!

I hope you’re all well and managing to avoid that nasty coronavirus thing!  I still haven’t seen one but think it must look like an egg (eggs do peculiar things to your tail, you know, so watch out).

Anyway, as you can see I am sitting in the garden and thinking about life.  And, I’m a bit worried……..

Another interruption!  How am I ever to release my thoughts onto the world with Leo interrupting me?  Anyway, as I said I am actually rather worried.   I have a big worry, in fact.  That’s on top of all this social distancing stuff, talk of viruses, rationing of kibbles and the house never being empty of creatures. Of course there were always smaller ones like bugs and the odd bee but the bigger ones are constantly there now and they do take up so much space. Actually, while I think about it, do be careful of bees. They sting.

Well, I’m worried stiff because Leo is going on what he’s calling a “togetherness” campaign.  Whatever does he mean by that?  He says it’s part of his public relations programme.  I ask you: What’s that when it’s about?  I think it’s because he’s been in a spot of bother for biting too hard and causing an infected bite.    Now I do know what that is because I have had one of those myself (not inflicted by Leo as it happens but by another miscreant invading our garden) and I had to go to the vet.  It was awful because the vet put something called a thermometer INSIDE my tailbase (I shudder at the thought) and said I had a temperature and would need antibiotics.   OH Horror!  I’m OK now, though, so that thermometer thing must have done the trick.

Anyway,  I have discovered that Leo’s “togetherness” campaign involves snuggling up to me for photos – just look at this.  He made me sit on that table (which we all know is forbidden!)

And this is EVEN WORSE

If we were caught, what would have happened? You can see how worried I look while he relaxes behind me. What’s the purpose of this, I ask?

Grrr See what I have to put up with!

Back tomorrow. Remember, be careful of bees, eggs and anything resembling Leo!

Simba x

Hello  World,  LEO here .  At my very best, I might add.  It’s difficult to get a word in edgeways with the White Delight hovering about, but I managed it. 

I like adding to his diary.  He’s a bit airy fairy, you know.  While he contemplates which heavens came before the 7^th and communes with sheep (actually I may have misjudged that one, but more about that later), I am patrolling my garden keeping them all safe.  Now, I’ve tried to keep my whiskers away from this coronavirus thing as it has thrown the White Delight into more of a spin than the sight of an egg (which once made his tail curl in a peculiar way, if you remember).  I have to say I haven’t spotted one  (coronavirus, that is, not egg).  As it’s so ghastly, I thought it would probably look like a dog, but I certainly can’t see one in my garden.  Perhaps it’s too afraid of me to show its face.  I bite, you know.

Anyway, about the sheep.  I received a communication from Bertie (the larger fluffy one to the right of this picture) and he reassured me he is definitely a cat.  I can see that now, of course and I am not afraid to say when I have made a mistake.  Sheep don’t sit like that and he has a tail like no sheep I know (in fact I don’t know a sheep but I have seen pictures). He sent me this picture called “brotherly love”. If you look carefully they are touching.

What rubbish.  He is such a SNOWFLAKE!  (The clue’s in the colour, isn’t it!) I have CATegorically never bitten him.  I am merely cleaning his acres of white fur to help him because it is a difficult colour to keep clean.  And if I have to put my paw on him it’s just to keep him still (he’s a wriggler, you know). Sometimes I need to take a little nibble because he has a burr stuck in his fur.  Take a close look at me. Do I look as if I would ever take a nip out of him? 

Love

Leox

Day 6

                        Hello Everyone, Simba here

Exciting news!  I have had a communication. Yes, another cat has been in touch with me.  Two cats, actually, Bertie and Sammy. And…..they have sent photos.

He always wants a say, doesn’t he? He’s jealous. Of course they are not sheep! Let me introduce my new friends.  Bertie is a therapy cat. I’m not quite sure what that is (the therapy bit I mean, obviously I know what a cat is), but I might consider taking it up myself as it sounds impressive. I wonder if it requires a lot of work.  Leo says he won’t indulge as he already practises acupuncture, which the rest of us call pranging. Sammy is Bertie’s twin brother and looks just like him, warm and cuddly.

Here’s Sammy. He’s got an igloo like mine except his is basketware (excellent material for a manicure, I must say). I think he looks a bit like me. Don’t you think so?

And look – here’s Bertie.  That yawn is impressive!

I told Bertie he looked cuddly, but he thought I meant he was fat. I really hope I haven’t upset him.  He may be a sensitive soul. Leo, who isn’t sensitive at all, said he probably was fat but when I enquired about weight in kilos it turned out I weigh over 5.5 which is heavier than any of them.  Should I be worried?  Perhaps it’s all my fur?

Actually, both cats have been in a spot of trouble recently for food tasting.  They tested part of a sandwich to check it was safe to eat and, oh horror….! They were banished from the kitchen. Can you imagine that! We often taste food but I’ve become more careful recently since an egg made my tail curl in a peculiar way.   Leo asks why they didn’t bite when they were sentenced to banishment. It’s his answer to everything.

He does like to have the last word! Back tomorrow

Love,  Simba x

Day 5

        Hello Everyone, Simba here!

 As you can see, I am in 7^th heaven.  I have managed to reclaim my igloo from the dark invader (otherwise known as Leo) and am fully rested.  What I have been puzzling about over the last day or so is: if I am in 7th heaven, what are the other 6 Heavens? 

You can probably guess what my six heavens would be:

1. Choice of the correct Kibbles, morning, noon and night (none of this rationing business)
2. Leo, asleep, keeping a safe distance (nothing to do with THAT VIRUS – he bites!)
3. A working cat flap – the entrance has been blocked up for ages.  I’ll tell you why one day.
4. Ongoing cuddles- (none of that social distancing stuff, please. I love the postman and the newspaper delivery person).
5. Sunshine – so I can sit in the garden without being cold
6. A multitude of large and lazy mice to enable me to practise my rodent operative skills without too much exertion.

[ Look how generous I have been.  He moaned so much it wore me down and I gave him back his igloo. AND, just for the record, I didn’t bite him, Now I’m having to wedge myself into this box!  Leo]

I’ve seen what he has written. What a cheek!  I reclaimed my igloo by waiting patiently outside and rushing in when he had to leave to answer a call of nature (mouse squeaking in the garden). When he came back (empty pawed, I might add) I was dreaming peacefully with one eye open, alert for any attack.

Anyway, I have reclaimed my favourite spot.  I have managed to eliminate “eau de chat” or whatever he calls it, and have replaced it with “parfum de Simba”….  and I am staying here for the foreseeable future.

I really hope you all have your own igloos to enjoy!

Speak again soon

Love from

SimbaX   

Simba here! 

As you see, I am resting today after battling with Leo to get my igloo back!  See you tomorrow.

       Love,  Simba xxx

Hello World!

It’s LEO here.  Now I know you were probably expecting the White Delight, otherwise known as Simba, but he’s gone off in a tizz.  So I have taken over for today. 

Why has he gone off in a tizz? Well, as I said before he’s a whimp and he’s not happy about me temporarily taking over his igloo. I’ve told him he can have it back soon, but he says it will smell. I don’t smell. I am perfumed. Eau de chat. His igloo will have a wonderful aroma when I decide to move out.   

Mind you, on this occasion he may have cause for concern.  We were both in the kitchen this morning demanding breakfast, only to discover “Happy Birthday” was being sung to milk bottles as they were washed under a running tap. Milk bottles!  They don’t even sing “Happy Birthday” to us.  At least they don’t put us under running water so I suppose we should be happy for small mercies. Mind you, if they did, I would bite. Naturally.

As you know, the White Delight has been grumbling about being socially distanced, but we discovered that LOO ROLLS were being socially distanced as well!  They have been quarantined for 72 hours, apparently.  Why?  Why are they even needed, come to that? We’re perfectly clean and we never use them.

Anyway, I am a bit concerned about Simba.  After I told him to go out and catch a mouse, I found him in the bedroom attacking a cardigan.  Yes, if you don’t believe me, just take a look at this!

What is he thinking?  Perhaps I had better watch my step with him after all. (His writing’s awful, though. Isn’t it.)

On another subject, I think there is a mouse in my house. Yes, UNBELIEVABLE. How DID it get here? Doesn’t it know two cats live here? The White Delight doesn’t believe me, but I am right.  There is rustling in the study and I located mouse pellets near the piano. What more proof do you need? Of course, I shall catch it.  But I’m a tad worried I will get into trouble.   Is it a pet, perhaps? Who would have a pet mouse?  I’ve been wanting a pet hamster for some time.  I gather they go round on wheels. Just imagine the fun you could have poking them and making their wheels go faster.

But… then I make a discovery.

Oh no! Big Cheese Sonic Mouse Repellent. What the hell is that?  Yuk!

Never mind. I’m always resourceful. I shall go out and catch a mouse, right now and leave it as a present on the study floor. That’ll solve the problem.

I told you he was a whimp.  Anyway, the White Delight wants to say goodbye for now so we’ll see you tomorrow for another dose of everyday cat life.

Love from Leo and Love from Simba xxxx

Hello Everyone. It’s Simba here again

I thought I would show you a picture of one of my hearts as people seem to like them. Maybe that’s because they are black and are so much easier to clean than the rest of me.  Leo is mostly black and he hardly ever seems to clean which I find a bit suspect. Anyway, as they say, every day is a new day.  I was a bit grumpy yesterday so please forgive me for that, I’m usually very even tempered so I’m told.

Having said that, it’s still very peculiar here and it was very quiet when I went out, apart from those noxious birds. Blimey (am I allowed to say that?) they do make a racket.  Do you know they actually feed them with fat balls.  FEED THEM when my kibbles are being rationed.  Mind you I wouldn’t like to eat a fat ball. Leo called me a fat ball once.  He’s been a bit rude to me recently and when I complained about my kibbles he told me to: “Go out and catch a mouse!”  What DOES he think I am?  

What do I think he is?  A CAT!!!

My day started quite well, actually. There was none of this getting out of bed an hour early business. They all seemed to be lounging about, Leo included. So, I was able to do my stretching exercises and scratch the sofa a bit (it’s an amazing bit of kit for a manicure but for some reason others don’t like it).  I strolled down the garden, sniffed a few plants to check no foreign invaders had been in overnight – they hadn’t – and sat in my favourite spot fluffing up my fur against the cold to contemplate what a coronavirus might be. It is certainly playing havoc with my routines! if it is so dangerous it must be HUGE. What I can’t understand is how it can be in so many places at once and with no one seeing it.

Being invisible must be quite useful – it certainly would be for me.  Just think how I could get my own back on Leo by nibbling his tail…..and it would be useful to steal his food at this time of kibble-rationing.

What other news is there?  Leo has been doing far more “pranging practice” – that’s what he calls it – but it’s actually scratching other creatures. I’m not quite sure why he needs more practice because he’s very good at it already. 

                 If he goes on like this I will prang him.                                  

I understand he has caused notes to be made in the accident book at the vet’s on two occasions which is an achievement I know he is proud of.  I wonder if all this pranging practice is something to do with Easter?  All I know about Easter is that it has something to do with eggs.  I don’t like eggs. I ate part of an egg once and it made my tail curl in a peculiar way.

Anyway, I may think about Easter on another occasion. Thank you for reading my diary.  I’ll talk to you again soon.

Love

Simba x